


Citizen Nick

by Ahrima



Category: Citizen Kane (1941), 廃れ夢 | Obsolete Dream, 灰色庭園 | Haiiro Teien | The Gray Garden
Genre: Film making, M/M, citizen kane sucks, sldfjsdkfjs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:01:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26436847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ahrima/pseuds/Ahrima
Summary: Satanick and Hidou create an impromptu movie in order to show Ivlis why he should love the great lord devil.
Relationships: Ivlis/Satanick (Gray Garden)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 27





	Citizen Nick

In the “Pitch Black World”, whose true name was kept locked under a ci-en post until officially announced (our prayers have been answered), the great and mighty Lord Devil Satanick was in a major predicament. For you see, he had begotten the habit of displaying love for a particular fiery roach. He showed this affection in all the five love languages (most of the time in physical touch), yet no matter how much love he showed the roach, it would never confess its own undying love for the awesome devil. It got to the point where finally, the devil’s curiosity piqued, and he had to confront the roach about this.

“Say, Buri!” Satanick held onto the shoulders of the roach, “Why don’t you ever confess your love for me?”

The roach, struggling underneath the strapping devil’s grasp quite literally, growled a response. “Because I DON’T love you!”

The great devil sat up, letting go of Buri’s shoulders. A gloved hand cupping his chin in thought while the other held down the roach’s chest (for the dear roach was beginning an attempt to sit up). “But that can’t be. Is it because you don’t know what you love about ol’ magnificent me? Maybe you need something to remind you?”

Although the roach opened its mouth to respond, Satanick spoke for it. “That is it! You want something to help remind you! Oh Roachie don’t fret! Leave it all to me!” And with that out of the way, Satanick pushed himself off the roach, patting off his pants of dust, and making sure the roach was finely secured in its chains (to avoid any chance of unwanted escaping).

“Just stay right here! I’ll be right back!”

The devil zoomed out of the dimly lit dungeon. The echo of the door locking was the final sound the lord devil made. All that was left in the room was the roach on the cold floor, who was confused and awestruck at what just happened. By what horrors would Satanick use to “remind” Ivlis (the roach) of his “love”...? Whatever it was… it must be awful enough for him to leave Ivlis alone without finishing that morning’s… time.

\--

“So let me get this straight…” Hidou puffed out a cloud of smoke from his cigarette. “You want me… to help you… woo your roach?” He leaned his right elbow on the counter, the cigarette lazily set between two fingers. His face plastered with a sharp grin at the prospect of this new project his devil was laying out for him. His own devil wanted his help to make a movie! Just think of the raunchy prospects this project had with such a powerful producer! “I’d be much obliged to help make this lovey-dovey flick; I’ve always wanted to mess around with your torture devices.”

“No no no!” Satanick shook his head violently, which wiped Hidou’s grin away. “I don’t want a lovey-dovey flick! I need something informative! Something to show why my roachie should love me!”

Hidou took another whiff of smoke. “Uhm. You know what this shop is, right?” He motioned to his array of sketchy dvds which filled the shelves in the background. “I make snuff films and the likes. I don’t make… other films.”

The lord devil slammed his hands onto the counter, which caused Hidou to drop his cigarette in surprise. “Please, Hidou.” his devil pleaded, “You’re the only one who knows how to make movies.” Satanick leaned closer to the filmmaker’s face. “And I need this movie to be the best. My poor roach is too stupid to learn any other way.”

“Well… if you say it like that…” Hidou avoided eye contact for a second, feeling the pressure to help-- considering his devil was practically begging now. “I guess I can try something… experimental.” Hidou barely finished speaking before Satanick’s countenance was perked up, delighted that his plan was back in order. The devil pat his faithful subordinate on the head. “Goodie! Close up your shop for the day; we shall begin filming right away!”

**EXT. HIDOU’S SHOP - NIGHT ? DAY ?**

“Satanick, wait.” Hidou barely closed the shop before Satanick was skipping ahead of him. The filmmaker demon put a hand up in the air. The devil indeed paused in his tracks, spinning around to look at Hidou. “What’s the hold-up now?” Satanick hummed, with a tinge of impatient excitement.

Hidou pushed up his glasses with a look of all-knowingness. He cleared his throat, and began to monologue. “Well before we begin, we need to decide on the plot, then create the treatment and then the first draft of the script. We’ll probably have to write and rewrite the script several times, and then maybe storyboard it and afterwards--”  
Satanick threw his arms up to the sky with a loud shout. “Dash it all, Hidou! We don’t have time for that boring paperwork! Let’s just be like real movie stars and make it up as we go! It can’t be THAT hard!”

“I…” Hidou began to object, before reconsidering. “Whatever you say, sir.” Surely it’ll be better this way, right? What could go wrong with a little impromptu filming for his boss? “Where shall we film first?”

“To the place all films start off!” Satanick ran off with Hidou, camera in hand, trotting after him.

**INT. LORD DEVIL’S CASTLE - BEDROOM - DAY, PROBABLY**

SATANICK sprawled his handsome self over the pearl white bed sheets. One arm prompted his head up with his body turned to the side facing the camera. His free hand held a shiny snow globe filled with baby rose petals and a miniature copy of the castle.

“Heeeyyyy ~” Satanick sang out. While he was facing Hidou, who was holding a fancy movie camera, he wasn’t talking to Hidou himself. He was talking to Ivlis, of course. And he hoped Hidou knew this (Hidou wasn’t really his type right now).

“I got you this snowglobe, Buri,” Satanick continued, “I hope you like it.” Satanick winked. With one hand, he shook the snowglobe. “Hidou,” Satanick called out, “Make sure you get a good shot of the snowglobe.”

Hidou nodded, pressing buttons onto the camera. The camera zoomed into the snow globe. And then it zoomed out a little because it went too far.

Satanick shook the snowglobe violently into a blizzard. “Do you see how the petals move? Don’t you like it?” His hands slip, causing the snow globe to fall into the air, and onto the floor with a shattering crash.

“ROSEBUD!!!” Satanick screamed in horror, “OH, THEY’RE ALL OVER THE FLOOR!” The devil rolled off the bed, picking up the petals in a desperate attempt to fix the damage that was already done.

Hearing his boss’ shriek, Hidou set the camera down and moved to his rescue. He assisted in picking up the rosebud petals and shattered glass all over the floor. “I’m sure we can salvage this…” Hidou said, knowing that this comfort was a lie. The snowglobe could not be saved. “We got a good shot of you up on the bed.” He added in to make the statement a little less of a lie.

Satanick sniffled, wiping away his tears with his gloved hand. “If we got a good scene, then nevermind the snow globe. Ivlis can enjoy it on the golden screen.”

“Silver screen.” Hidou muttered under his breath. “It’s the silver screen.”

**EXT. ROMANTIC LAKE - DAY**

Near a lake in the forest, which was truly a very romantic spot for a movie scene, Satanick stood with one foot on a log and his hand resting on his knee. He gave the camera a loving smirk. A few minutes passed, until Hidou whispered out “Uh, we’re rolling, sir.”

Satanick took a deep breath in through his nostrils-- loud and obnoxious so the camera could hear. “Ahhh,” He exhaled, “nothing beats the fresh smell of the great outdoors! I just love being outside.” The devil continued on with his speech from there, talking about how much he loved the world outside of his castle grounds. He wanted his roachie to understand how active he was in hobbies other than in the bedroom. And everyone loves a devil who could camp and hike, right? Surely!

As Satanick was talking, he was interrupted by a loud splashing sound from behind the lord devil. Following that was more splashing and laughing. No matter how much Satanick tried to ignore the sound (Hidou could edit it out later… probably), it was too distracting. Finally, he couldn’t take it anymore. The devil spun around, and began to shout at culprits.

“HEY!!! HEYYYY!!! WE’RE TRYING TO FILM THE GREAT ME OVER HERE!” Satanick shouted at the top of his lungs. Apparently they couldn’t hear him. Or perhaps-- even worse-- they were ignoring him!? Such a disgrace could not be tolerated by the great devil, and he lunged into the water, swimming furiously towards the fools and shouting more at them.

Hidou just stood there with his camera. He watched his boss shout at the teen girls who were minding their own business. And now he was watching his boss swim over, and attempt to brute force the three girls (two demons, and one apparently a ghost) out of the water by splashing them. It had no effect, as the girls simply splashed him back… The filmmaker turned off the camera with a sigh and sprang into action to stop the distracted Satanick from playing around. This project was supposed to be serious business. At least they got enough footage for this scene-- the next scene should be much easier.

**INT. LORD’S DEVIL CASTLE - DAY**

The geometric robot 4545 posed for Hidou’s camera as Satanick put his hand on the robot’s metal square head. He began yet another speech, speaking loud and proud. “See this bad boy? I myself created him!” The devil gave the robot a pat. “I’m pretty good at technology. I just love tech.” He patted the robot again. “You have to be as awesome as me to make something THIS cool!”  
“Mr. Devil is amazing!” chirped 4545.  
“Sure am, Fortyfive!” Satanick, once more, patted the robot’s top. “Now show the ‘audience’ what you can do!” the devil winked at the camera. Specifically, at Ivlis-- he really hoped Hidou knew this. The bunny robot nodded its body, “Got it, Mr. Devil!” Beeping sounds began to emit from him as he started up a program. Satanick and Hidou stood in silent anticipation waiting for the loading to complete.

Bweeee bRR RRBRRRRRRRRRRR.

An error occurred. “I’m sorry, Mr. Devil, but it seems I can’t load the program.”

Satanick frowned, leaning down towards the robot. He gave another pat-- this time more of a hit. All it did was send a metal clanking sound out. Usually that worked… Satanick flicked his eyes up towards the camera and down again to the robot. This was unscripted. He had to improvise-- and fast! Now what would Ivlis like to see…? A metaphorical lightbulb lit up over Satanick’s head. Of course! Love! That roach LOVED love! The devil grabbed the robot into a hug and began kissing it passionately. Almost too passionately.

“...” Hidou looked up from the camera. Was this sudden makeout scene intentional? Whatever, Hidou decided with a shrug. He’ll just continue filming for however uncomfortably long it’ll be.

**INT. LORD DEVIL’S CASTLE - LATER**

“Guess my favorite animal, Roachkin.”

Satanick grinned from ear to ear, discreetly wiping his face of drool from the previous scene’s kissing. The camera panned out to reveal that he was holding a bunny in his arms. Aratamos, to be exact. Who was struggling to get out of the devil’s arms and cursing.

“It’s bunnies.” He petted Aratamos on the head. The bunny king batted the hand away to no avail, as Satanick continued to pet. “I can be pretty gentle when I want to.” Satanick continued. “Look, see how gentle I’m being with this cute li’l bunny--”

“I am not cute nor little!” Aratamos cut in furiously. Satanick slammed his hand onto the cute li’l bunny’s mouth, muffling the bunny from saying any other objectives.

“See how gentle I’m being with this cute li’l bunny?” The devil repeated. “I can be gentle with you, Ivlis.” He stepped closer to the camera until his face was right in front of it, which caused Hidou to take a step back. “You’ll like that, wouldn’t you?” Satanick stood with his face staring into the camera for a few minutes, breathing heavily and forgetting he was holding a very creeped out Artamos. Even Hidou was a little perturbed.

“Um.” Hidou coughed awkwardly. “Let’s get to the final scene now.”

**INT. OMINOUS ROOM WITH A MYSTERIOUS FURNACE - MUCH MUCH LATER**

Darkness covered the entire room-- saved for the booming, giant furnace. Satanick cheerfully dropped a couple heavy bags onto the cold floor, and opened up the furnace’s gates.

“Since when did we have this room…?” Hidou thought, fumbling to ready his camera for the great, final scene. Perhaps his boss was going to end this movie with an explosive, destructive scene? That was Satanick for you-- an absolute genius with a flair of the dramatics! Whatever this amazing scene was going to be, he could not wait to film it!

“Are you ready, Hidou?” Satanick called out over the flames. The director nodded, raising a thumbs up.

Satanick cleared his throat, pouring out the bags of garbage he collected from his roachie onto the floor. With a shovel manifested, he began to dig out the trash and toss it into the furnace. “Look at what the great and awesome me is doing for you!” Satanick hollered out merrily as he shovelled, “I’m clearing out your emotional garbage!”

The emotional garbage itself was random memorabilia and pictures of Siralos. Ivlis would be SO happy Satanick was doing this for him. After all, that roach won’t need any obsession with the radiant sun god when he could be obsessed over Satanick instead. With such strength, the devil scooped out the stuff, until finally it was all gone. He threw the shovel to the ground and spun around towards Hidou.

“That’s a wraaaaap!” Satanick cried out in joy. He couldn’t wait to show Ivlis the film! As soon as the roach sees it, no doubt he’ll be head over heels for the beautiful Satanick!

Hidou also couldn't wait to process the film. He too wanted to see what the audience thought, but for a different reason: he wanted to see the devil’s pet cry in either horror or disgust.

\--

Ivlis had no idea what he just watched. While it wasn’t as bad as Satanick’s physical romantic antics, it certainly was close enough. He slowly cranked his head to the side, now locking eyes with Satanick who had been staring at the flame devil this whole time… for the entire duration of the three plus hour documentary (or was it a biopic?). If Ivlis could, he would’ve punched that face… sadly, he was strapped into the chair (why else would he watch Satanick’s awful creation!?).

“Sooooo?” Satanick put a hand on his roach’s leg as he leaned in close to the other’s ear. “What did you think? Do you now know why you love me?”

Usually afraid to show his emotions and object, Ivlis decided he had enough. Sitting through that awful movie broke him. “No! I hated it! I hate you! And I’ll never love you! You make my life miserable! Go die!” His hair turned bright colors of red as he spoke.

Whatever the roach was saying, Satanick really didn’t understand. But what he did understand was a snippet: “you make my life.” The lord devil grinned from ear to ear from this, happy that Ivlis finally confessed his love. All it took was a movie made under a day for him to understand!

Ivlis did not like this smile on that idiot’s face. He opened his mouth to spit out more rage, but was met with a very delighted kiss from Satanick, who most likely misinterpreted the open mouth as an invitation.

The End.


End file.
